Consider the following

New Years Eve is Tommorrow

I'm not sure what I'll be doing but I am at least sure it will be anticlimactic.
Most New Year's are like that. My favorite NYE was not watching the ball drop
@ Times Square or eating pigs in a blanket at my parents house. My favorite was
recording a couple of songs on an old reel to reel 4 track recorder. It was great. It was
authentic, it was moody.

"We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives." - Tyler, Fight Club
I watched brave heart over the last couple of days. It's a three hour movie and took me a couple of days to finish it off. I left with two feelings. First and Primarily I thought about the real tangible war that William Wallace felt. His wife was Murdered and his life was oppressed by the anglish. There was a real visible enemy. I thought how easy was it to identify the enemy and identify the tyranny. In my War the enemy is hard to identify and the tyranny hard to correlate. Was it similiar, were people saying, "We're fine, there's no oppression." Maybe, but those he initially roused were certainly those who felt the oppression of a real enemy and tehy had the eyes to see every where in thier society that the enemy's oppression manifested; in poverty, in fear, in strangulation of creativity and in the lack of true freedom. Can I convince myself of a same war? Must I experience the pain of oppression to stand against oppression? Maybe.

The second thought was that Robert the Bruce is the hidden Hero of the story. Even though he makes some huge mistakes it sets his heart to fight. It sets his intention to stand against his natural inclination and the so called way of success. He falls, but is redeemed, he loses major battles but when he comes to, he turns the war.

I've betrayed and I've been disalutioned. I've feared and I've clamored. But redemption is at the door waiting for those who would no longer live with comfortable and begin to dream. Even if they die in thier dream and even if they never see the fruition of thier dream. When failure stops being a blockade but rather a stepping stone and fear and comfort are our enemys we can begin stepping out on the battlefield able to die at war on the outside, at peace where it counts.

Questions and thoughts from Africa. I am asking the question, how could a Nation be 80% Christian and have such severe poverty, Why are the majority of nice cars I see stamped with “World Vision” or “UN.” Why are the Women working while the men hangout in clusters playing pool or just shooting the breeze. Why is a Land so conducive to crop growth so agriculturally underdeveloped? Why are people out of water when I can see Lake Victoria from my Terrace (one of the biggest lakes in the world). Why does the electricity turn off in a neighborhood for 4 hours at a time?

I’m sure the specialists have answers for all of this but the stark contrast is why are there other international companies shipping their goods in to meet Africa’s immediate needs without recognizing the complete absence of real industrial substructure. Here is my idea. As a nation set up an embargo in where you would cease to receive products from major corporations until they helped your countries basic utilities, Power, Water, Sewer and Waste Removal. It would go something like this, “Dear Coke we are not selling anymore of Your damn product unless you help us build a Hydro-Electric Power Plant on the Nile.” There is a Coca-Cola Africa foundation I’m not trying to specifically bash Coke just making a point. (I love coke)

A house without a foundation is such a funny picture. One could have chandeliers and a beautiful coffee table but if there is no foundation the structure will be destroyed. Economic instability creates political instability. So if a people are economically unstable and dissatisfied they start pointing fingers, then you have coupes and rebellions and genocide.

From my perspective the economic aspect is not nearly s important as the moral foundation being built. Husbands having one wife, loving each other etc. Immediate pleasure is far more real and tangible than a hope of a strong society, You might as well just save your money and move to the States.

So there has to be a Church, it has to trumpet Kingdom morality and standards. It has to underlay a foundation of self government. But it is much harder to put a new foundation on an existing home than it is to start fresh. But you cant start fresh! Even though we are born into sin with hundreds of years of traditions that are self damaging there is still hope.

Hope is such stark contrast in a war torn nation. Children believing the can be Doctors and Lawyers, parents living for the next generation rather than for themselves young people with the look in their eye that says, "I'm here to change something and I'm not leaving until it happens," those are the embers we blow on. That is where change happens. Missions is essential even if it only comes along side and encourages what God has already established, (although small) a good and solid foundation.

The Kingdom of Heaven-

Jesus talks about it quite frequently. I had some thoughts on it. Specifically regarding the analogy of the mustard seed.

First seeds are very strange. They start out as little devices and grow into larger different looking devices and drop off the original device covered (usually) in some sort of Pod or fruit (seed carrier).

We a generally familiar with seeds so we infrequently if never step back and look and the magical powers inherent inside the seed. Imagine if I showed you a ball bearing and said, "This device I will plant in the ground and it will spring up in a few years and produce many more ball bearings. A magical ball bearing tree. You would think I was being silly or just acting like an ignoramus. This process of the natural seed is just as unique and incredible.

Think about how we build things in our society. We Cut down these large wooden devices and dig out other metally devices and nail the devices together and we have a house or a chair or a whatever. Our synthetic process of creation is in opposition to the natural process of creation.
I would love to take all day to divulge into the beauty of this mystery but alas time is of the essence.

Jesus is saying that the Kingdom of God is like this mustard seed. It is littler than all the other seeds and grows larger than all the trees in the Garden. Again this is how Heaven works and how we're supposed to work.

Three things trees need. 1. Climate 2. Food (I will call this sun because trees need it for photosynthesis) 3. Water

1. If a tree is in the wrong climate it cannot grow. There is very clearly a lack of maple trees in Antarctica. It would look really cool if they were there but there not they can't grow there. In the same way there are prime climates for trees to grow in. If you move a tree from that climate 10 20 or 30 degrees in latitude you will have less and less of a tree ( a midget tree) and finally no tree at all as you leave the climate. Jesus is saying this is how the kingdom of heaven works.
Climate is the measurement of actual temperature in an area.

Here's the zinger. If you are not living in a climate conducive to your growth you will be stunted or just plain not make it. The climate we need for the kingdom of God to grow is faith. Just as rediculous as it is to believe in a ball bearing tree. We believe in a kingdom that is that outlandish. It does not make sense. Isaiah 55 God says my thoughts are higher than yours as the heaves are above the earth. Translation, "the way I do things aint gonna make sense."
As people that believe in a invisible God with invisible winged men flying all over the place doing invisible things, we must be in an atmosphere of faith.


2. If you don't have sunlight you will be a dirty moldy sick little tree. I mean if you don't have any sunlight you'll probly die. But if you get just enough to survive, but not enough to be healthy you'll smell. You'll be gross and slimy and make me want to vomit. I beleive that sunlight is representitive of the word of God. A famous scripture is psalm 119, your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. If You don't have the word of God applied to your life you may be a living organism. But you'll be a dirty, smelly living organism. You probly wont bear much fruit and if you do it will most likly be rotten.

This is a beautifull illustration of people who do not understand the Grace of God. They once heard a message about it and now they thnk God is a gumball machine who doesn't give a crap about what they do. They stink. Jude says they're hidden reefs in your fellowship times destroying anything productive. Again they are slimy smelly believers.


3. Water. If my tree was in the right climate and had proper sunlight but no water, what would happen? What would happen is that it would get dry and brittle and sick and maybe barely survive from dew or humidity but it would be unhelathy and the fruit if even there would be dry and foul. Jesus said to the woman at the well if you knew who I was you'd ask for a drink and you'd never be thirsty again. The water is litterally our fellowship with Jesus. Our experience of Grace personified. I've heard it said that grace is not a concept it is Jesus. It is the divine exchange of his thoughts to us and our thoughts to him. It is unmerrited but without it we would be dry brittle hardlined crackly bible bashers.

We can have all the light in the world, all the revelation on the scripture and the ability to walk much of it out. But if we do not interact with the author if we do not drink from the eternal well of life we become angry bible Lawyers quick to point out fault and slow to love.


One stage is not worse than the other. All these stages are places we don't have to be. Again this is how the Kingdom of Heaven works. Jesus said it not me-

James Bond always seemed to be rich. I'm not sure how seeing as he worked a government job. It's strange he was always drinking martini's and wearing fitted suits and staying at the most luxurious of establishments. On top of that he had little stashes around cities that held a hundred grand in different denominations in case things went south. I'm not getting down on the guy but you don't see him chatting it up with his financial planner or dabbling in the stock market and he can't just win it all at the Casino Royal.

Money what a frustrating thing. It's like anybody can have it if all they do is chase it. But if all you do is chase it you can never spend it. Proverbs 23:3 riches are uncertain things they make themselves wings and fly away. I agree. I would like to be rich that way I would never have to ask for money but unfortunately that is not the case. I do have to ask for money, so if your reading this and asking yourself where are you going with this? Well, the answer in a round about way is; I'm going to Uganda and would like your support. Click on this link below to help me get to Uganda. www.davidengelhardt.net I will update you all as I'm over there-

Leon is a Baby, My baby specifically. He is at this juncture 7 months old and 19 lbs, a good size baby for his age.
I was on a trip last week and didn't get to see him for almost five days. I had an urge to see him. An underlying desire behind my thoughts and whatever else I was doing.
When I finally got home he was asleep so I snuck in his room past his organic monkey and our snoring Dog. I was hurting just to look at him.

Yesterday I was playing with him and making him laugh and I realized that he doesn't do anything for me. I mean in a Utilitarian way. He provides none of my needs physically emotionally or otherwise. He is not capable of fulfilling me based on any of his actions. He is not even able to even comprehend that I am a being that has needs. He eats and sleeps for the majority of his day. The other small parts of his day are being held, playing on the floor or playing on one of his baby machines. I was on my bed and he wanted to eat one of my wife's silk pillows, The kind you have on your bed but don't use, just there to look at. Leon thought it might be a good snack and provided him a few moments of entertainment. I was looking at him there and I could feel almost a tangible Love for him. He wasn't doing anything for me. He was chewing on a pillow. I was only providing his needs (in that case pillow feeding) we were not in a reciprocal relationship of give and take. I made no contract with him. There was not a pre-birth agreement that if he follows certain guidlines I will be good to him.
I can't help but Love him. I can't help it. He hates being kissed. He does not like to snuggle. If you hold him he will look at other stuff. If you play with him he will scratch your face off. If you put your finger in his mouth (one of his great desires) he will chomp down on it with uncanny vice-like strength. He produces all other kinds of Baby fluids from multiple orafaces that all need to be cleaned and creamed. He wakes up at night and stays awake during the hours of our most sacred sunday afternoon nap. He tries to rip our dogs ear off and .... and.....and. I can't help but Love him, think about him, protect him and be a stepping stone for him.

I think that's how Dad's are supposed to be.

Trying to publish my book. Anyone want to give me 20 large?

found some cool websites for the self publisher.

xulon.com

beacon.org

of course lulu.com

As would be expected I followed the voice coming from the house, the voice seemed to be leading me into a great room of some kind the room had a view out on to the street in front of the house. In the room I heard the voice calling out to me and I realized it was coming from a bird cage. It was a gold bird cage but not an opulent gold but the kind you'd expect in that house the bird was red but small like a chickadee. The bird kept saying, " Welcome, come closer, it's great to have you here." and things of that nature. I reached my hand in to the cage and the bird jumped on my hand. I was quite astounded. I expected the bird to say something else but she didn't. This experience was different that walking with the faun, The faun seemed very natural, but this seemed like it was a more weighty situation. Suddenly but not surprisingly a man walked in to the great room from behind us.

The man was about 55 yrs old 5'11'' with round glasses a moustache and goatee. He dressed casual but a business casual like he was a man of importance. The man seemed very wise and knowing but it seemed like he was only a care taker of the house.

He said that the bird was not the reason we were here, her purpose was only to call us in. After that he said something about wanting to show me something else and took from the top of a dresser a bowl and set it on the table by the birdcage. I was pretty sure something spectacular was going to take place but as I looked into the bowl it was filled with water and (the bowl was very much like a fish bowl) there was a piece of scarlet floating in the water. It could have been the most powerful thing in the house but I didn't have long to look at it because the man beckoned us upstairs saying, "I'd like to tell you why you're really here."

We walked up stairs to the room directly above the great room, there was also a large window looking out onto the street. As I sat down with my side facing the window I looked outside and noticed a boy playing, he was jumping on the half filled tube of a semi-truck tire. There were other boys running up to him starting to play with him. I wondered if they were brothers.
I turned to the table we were sitting at and the Man began to speak, "How can I help you folks" Well we are just passing through... (at this time my wife was with me and she was talking and there was a third person, another man friend of mine but I never figured out or bothered to look who it was). As the chatting went on I looked out the house and again more kids were gathering at this point a couple( two or three) of older kids were coming and I knew they didn't belong one of them was smoking a roach with tweezers ( a common way to smoke the last of your marijuana so as not to burn your fingers). I turned back to focus into the conversation and the gentleman said, "I know You're going to the airport on the Island." "How did you know that I asked?"

I have my sources he said to me. At that point I started to figure out that he was some kind of friend of God like Abraham. Not the kind of son ship relationship we have with God but although still reverent a far longer and more peaceful relationship. When he said I have my sources it almost gave away his identity. But not quit.

He said that many years ago he was offered a house on that island (where we were headed). He said no to the offer and told me that the person was upset that Our man would think he was selling to him didn't he know he was just to give it to him? Then the man said You see I have been between here and the island many times and know the area's very well. It was as if he denied the house on the island to come to this city and restore the house we were sitting in. As the man continued talking about our trip to that Island I then looked back outside and saw that the kids, and teenagers that had joined were starting to get angry and were yelling at each other. There was a strange frenzy happening around the crowd like some kind of gas started to drug them. All of a sudden to boys started fighting. They were not fighting like boys fight they were fighting like adult men fight, to hurt, to hospitalize each other. As soon as the boys started fighting the fever spread though the group and the whole group was rabid and violent hitting each other with sticks and fists. (for some reason) my car was in the parking lot and I was afraid that they were going to smash it so I ran downstairs. I could feel the adrenaline in my stomach like you feel before a fight or in an intense situation. I thought I might have to start knocking out some of these kids or something I wasn't sure what I would do but I knew I had to do something. As I jumped down the flight of stairs and rounded the corner to the front door I realized something, they were not in a frenzy to attack my car they were coming to destroy the house and more importantly they were coming to attack me.

With that thought I turned turned the corner now facing the front door I saw 50-100 young people standing perfectly still staring at me with a crazed and demonized look in there eye. It was terrifying they were waiting for something to attack I could tell they were on the precipice but before I had any chance to thing I slammed the front door shut and started to shut a second security door. As I worked on the locking mechanism the man who followed me down said, "the demons have sent them into a frenzy because were all here, they're just waiting for reason to attack. He went back upstairs while I was still working on the lock mechanism it must have taken me a couple of minutes to get it back together because by the time I got upstairs everyone was laying in a bed.

I started saying, "why are we laying down? Are we hiding?" We must be hiding I though so I jumped down on the ground between a bed and dresser and was planning on hiding under the bed to wade the storm. But when I hit the floor I noticed there was a synthesizer under the bed and I couldn't get down there, I remember saying to my self this is a 26 or 27 thousand dollar synthesizer. I turned and looked at the dresser and there was a CD player in the dresser door with three delirious Cd's in it. I wasn't sure what to do next but the man called us all into a room at the other side of the house. This room had a window facing the back of the house and I could see one of the bewitched young people standing on a hill behind the house the hill was very steep and the top of the hill was about level with the window so the boy was only about ten or twelve yards away from the house I could clearly see the expression on his face he wanted to get in and attack us he was trying to intimidate us by his stare.

The whole time this was happening the Man (our host) was not scarred he was not moved he was almost unaware of the attackers although he clearly knew what was happening. I realized, or he said the we were not hiding that we were resting and we needed the rest for our journey to the Island with the airport. As we were sitting there I got more and more agitated at the crazed teenager on the hill I wanted to smash him so bad and suddenly in a moment of futile boldness I put my middle finger up to him in a sign of defiance. As soon as I did that a hundred other crazed young people jumped up to the top of the hill and started screaming and yelling. The teen I was staring out took a Rambo knife out of his back pocket and stuck the tip underneath his chin and started pushing it up.

The man (our host) said to me that they were waiting for me to do that because they had no reason to respond until I acted out of my flesh like that. I knew if we did anything else they would some how storm in here and it'd be all over. My wife was getting scarred and finally she couldn't handle the pressure and more and yelled at the gang, "hey get out of here, don't do that" As soon as she did that they in unison started volleying object at the house,


These things happened almost simultaneously the objects were leaving the hands of the demonized and the Man said you do not understand the power of your words I will show you the power of your words. With that he let out a sound like a note maybe an A note but it was not just a sound it was worship. As he let it out objects were crashing through the large glass window and I thought we'd be ripped to shreds. I remember specifically that the first thing that broke through the window was a glass doorknob that I thought they ripped of the house.

The glass shattered as the objects came flying through just as they were about to hit us all of the glass and wood and other objects stopped around our faces. I looked across at my wife and it seemed like she was wearing a mask covered with glass I wasn't sure if the sound just made or skin like titanium or every thing just stopped. Then the man said, you have the ability to walk in this same power but now is the time to go. With another note I could feel our bodies start to dematerialize and I knew we were being transported to the island.

Then I woke up

The Sun of this world burns through the clouds of my dreams and before the heat of the day washes away the memory let us re-establish the clouds.

We were walking, well the focus was on her but I was also there. She had just recently undergone a pretty serious surgery against the desire of her will. The surgery was pain free and the recover time was instantaneous in her mind (in reality I think she'd been laid up for a couple of months, but wasn't quite aware of time). There were stories on the news about these kinds of people (people like her) but the stories made it sound like they were all natural like it hadn't taken this surgery to change her. I suppose you could call it cosmetic surgery. She had been turned into a faun. Not a strange or ugly faun but the kind of faun that you would expect to live here among us without anyone really being that upset about it. Part of the reason was her face was pleasant and comforting to look at. Not the stunningly gorgeous kind but caring gentle but not a push-over. She certainly was beautiful but in a more sisterly way. She had brown shoulder length hair and wore a well fitted light blue shirt that matched her fur.
I'm sure you're thinking, "Yea but what about the deer feet?" Hooves, actually. I would tell you that in a strange way they didn't seem out of place and you certainly wouldn't be able to tell that they were surgically applied. Her legs, if that's what you call them were much slimmer than I would imagine faun legs to be and the way she walked was not ploddy like is depected in fantisy movies. She walked without huge strides or overly regal like the narnia centaurs. If you were looking just at her waste up you wouldn't even know she was a faun. I don't know if the faun part was biological or robotic or some kind of combination that doesn't matter. What was amazing was as we walked down the street everyone looked but oddly no one starred and everyone smiled. Well one guy didn't smile but I think he was some kind of pervert.

We were walking into a residential area and looking around at the houses. It was a very architectually mixed neighborhood. On our left there was a brick building maybe a community center, it seemed to mark the end of anything comercial and the entrance into this neighborhood. The neighborhood reminded me of Laurelhurst in Portland. Lots of hills lots of houses lots of families, lots of trees. We were about three blocks in and on my left we (I don't know if it was she or I first) noticed a beautiful victorian house. It was a shade darker than antique white and had huge picture windows one the first and second floors. The front door was set one third from the left of the front of the house and the picture window took up another great portion. The porch was covered and the ceiling of the porch was a pale purple. There was a dusty light green trim and a light yellow trim. The house must have been 150 years old but is looked like it was recently remdled. I mean the kind of remodeling that sanded down the whole house to perfection and then painted with the finest detail. There was nothing our of place and the more I starred at it the more I realized it was the amazing house I'd ever seen. There was another part of the house that I can't stop thinking about so I'll just have to tell you. On the four corners of the house had a cap surrounded by trim filled with an amazing victorian style design. Like the swirly ones you see at anthropology or saks fifth avenue. These caps were about eye level on each of the corners and again they were unique but not odd. As a young man I never really appreciated houses our architecture and would have driven by this house my whole life never stopping to take notice of the detail. But we stood there and stared. I told the faun it looked like it dropped out of a architectural magazine and wasn't it funny that it was here in the middle of nowhere Amereica. I guess all amazing places have to be somewhere but we don't always excpect them to just jump upon us like that. It jumps at us in the way that rip van winkle jumps at something, dazed and drowsy while trying to take in a totally virgin vantage of reality.

We were admiring the landscaping with the circly cut shrubbery that you find in front of rich persons house and the small village of barkdust rocks and bushes all greenery no flowers. Some one called out to us from inside the house and asked if we wanted to come in and look around. The invite was quite cordial and being quite bewiched by the beauty of the home we strolled up the front steps. The house was beautiful and like any piece of art that becomes more beautiful as you look at it so did the house. It seemed like the colors actually got more vibrant the longer we looked at them but they (the whole house) had been hiding itself from the rest of the world for fear of being used in vain or just used without committment without love. We'll maybe the owner whoever put the work in the house felt like that, if he did he did a darn good job of communicating it.

We walked in and toward the voice wich seemed to be coming from the dining room...

to be cont'd

I read an article by a philosopher recently on art and music. The idea was good art and music have challenges inherent inside them.
First it is Pleasing to the senses and attractive in some way to draw you to the communication puzzle.
Second The piece of art is communicating something, we have to find out what the message is. There are challenges and when you are sure you have locked down the concept or an aspect of the concept you have reached a sort of mountain-top.
I was listening to a song last week from a cd that I've had for years. I honed in on a specific lyric that said, "Betty Ford wont you be my valentine." For some reason I thought it was hilarious and touching and the same time. I realized I got what he was trying to say. The singer is musing about addiction and the desire to be clean.
It's funny In John chapter 6 Jesus feeds the multitudes with a few loaves and fishes but then a couple of days later he says to the crowd the only reason you like me is because of the food I fed you. In order to really follow me you have to eat my flesh and drink my blood. And every one got offended and left because they were listening to what appeared to be the face value of his message. Jesus turns to the few followers that are around him and says, "There's the door if you want out." and John responds, Jesus we cant leave you you are the only one with the words of life. John is saying there is a complex truth in your words that even if I don't get them right away I know that I will at some point and they give me life.
I'm not sure why we as a society think that if you're not blatant and brash you're not communicating the truth. Jesus spoke primarily in parables and the people closest to him barley knew what he was talking about. Not because he was in the business of confusion but because there is a beauty in the discovery. When we are given a gift it is great but the idea of finding a treasure in a treasure hunt is far more romantic and impactful. There's the door

Inspiration, fuel in my biological gas tank. I need it to drive me, to propel my thoughts and actions. Trucks, bats, tight-ropes, dried grass, fumes in the air, color, forceful questions, invisible hands, dead presidents, outward focus.

That all means I'm stuck in my book and I'd like to move forward. I think I need some help. Or I just need to read something inspiring.

Tried recording this weekend with a cete of musicians. It's amazing how interaction directs the output of any kind of artistic endeavor. Sitting in a soft skinned robot holding to the joystick. It's an open air cockpit vulnerable to the onslaught of monotony and I can destroy the delicate handles. Then there's the scene from the dim mirror tripping into the cobweb's of manifested ghosts or just bad luck. All's said and done and I think I broke my computer.